What’s wrong with you? Team White Chocolate wins Splatoon 3 splatfest

No accounting for taste… literally.

Well, when you’re right 52% of the time, you’re wrong 48% of the time, and yer pal Moyse has certainly been left with Milkybar on their face. The curtain has fallen on the latest Splatoon 3 splatfest and, in the battle of “Best Chocolate”, Team White has… somehow… beaten both Milk and Dark to claim victory.

In what has to be the most “I demand a recount” splatfest in the history of Nintendo’s arena-shooter franchise, White Chocolate beat out Best Choice Dark, and the acceptable runner-up, Milk. Worse still, the victory was a CLEAN SWEEP, with Team White taking the public vote and every last one of the points — Pro, Open, Tricolor, Sneak Peek — for a staggering score of 57p.

Somebody’s playing a prank on me. This just has to be a joke. Look at Frye, that’s literally me writing this.

[Splatoon 3]

It’s a clean sweep for Team White Chocolate!!

Be sure to show your Super Sea Snails to Murch! Here’s how much you get:

Fan – 2 snails (+1 win bonus)
Fiend – 3 snails (+2)
Defender – 7 snails (+2)
Champion – 13 snails (+3)
Ruler and above – 21 snails (+3) pic.twitter.com/oqEW3OUrZf

— OatmealDome (@OatmealDome) February 13, 2023

And with this highly dubious victory, it’s another notch in the belt of Big Man, who is now tied with Shiver for splatfest victories, two to two. Don’t count out my girl Frye, though. The adorable lil’ gremlin bagged her first victory during the Sweet vs. Sour vs. Spicy splatfest, and I expect her to rack up more wins as 2023 rolls out. Right now, I’m off to buy a family size bar of Bournville and sulk my troubles away.

Splatoon 3 is available now exclusively on Nintendo Switch.