Spoiling The Game Awards Winners Of 2025

3 months ago 131

Happy New Year! Now that 2024 is here, it’s time to push it the hell out of the way and look ahead to 2025. At least, that’s what it feels like the game industry is increasingly saying I should do. A number of recently revealed titles have been slapped with 2025 release windows, so I can’t help but wonder how next year will shape up and, most importantly, what the awards seasons will look like.

There are still hundreds of games yet to fill the 2025 release calendar, but let’s pretend they won’t exist. Let’s say 95% of the game industry collectively decided to take a year off. Making games is obscenely hard, and to avoid crunch, everyone decided to take some well-deserved (and well-compensated) R&R, so these seven titles are the only ones to launch in 2025. What’s Game Awards host Geoff Keighley to do come December? Continue the show anyway; those trophies aren’t going to award themselves.

To save yourself three hours of cringy celebrity presenters and Genshin Impact commercials, I’ve taken the liberty of spoiling the event here. Be sure to check back next December to see how right I am.

Monster Hunter Wilds – Game Awards: Best Role-Playing Game

Capcom’s tentpole games tend to do well for themselves during awards season, and people love huntin’ monsters. Wilds’ spiritual predecessor, Monster Hunter: World, nabbed Best RPG at the 2018 TGAs. Unless Bethesda hits The Elder Scrolls VI’s music, and it makes a surprise run-in to clean house like Stone Cold Steve Austin, let's just tape the same award under Capcom’s seat before they arrive.

Big Walk – Game Award: Games for Impact

Developer House House’s follow-up to Untitled Goose Game makes my soul smile. It will likely do the same to everyone who plays it, and if someone has the foresight to get it into the hands of politicians, 2025 will be the year humanity achieves world peace. I think that qualifies it for the Games for Impact award. Big Walk likely has a deeper message hidden amongst its delightful nonsense; as a co-op game, it’s probably the power of friendship or something.

Pony Island 2: Panda Circus – Game Award: Best Content Creator

I have no idea what to make of Pony Island 2, and I’ve played all of Daniel Mullens’ games. No matter how incomprehensible his work may seem, there’s no denying that he creates fascinating content; sounds like he’s a shoo-in for Best Content Creator! At least pre-show host Sydnee Goodman can finally read a creator's name that doesn’t make her sound like she’s speaking in tongues.

Usual June – Game Award: Best Independent Game

Usual June is a neat-looking indie game from a quality developer in Finji, but they will not be making an acceptance speech. At the end of the day, it’s an indie game. Unless Hideo Kojima falls into an open manhole on the way to the Peacock Theater, Geoff simply will not have the time to let Finji bask in the glow of a Game Award victory. Plus, he’s gotta make room for whichever Muppet hasn’t appeared on the show yet. Expect a deluge of angry opinion articles about how Geoff disrespected Finji so that he could play an awkward game of live charades with Scooter.

Mouse - Game Awards: Best Art Direction, Best Shooter

We all laughed when Activision said Call of Duy was taking a two-year break after Modern Warfare III to reinvigorate itself (let me dream, damn it), but the joke’s on us two years later. COD’s absence leaves Mouse as 2025’s break-out shooter. A good awards show needs a bit of controversy, though, so someone will inevitably point out that the game is inspired by a problematic period of animation, making it the spiciest winner of the event.

Crimson Desert – Game Award: Snubbed!

Oh snap, Crimson Desert might be coming out in 2025 now? But we already gave the Best RPG trophy to Monster Hunter. Well, this is awkward. Crimson Desert also looks pretty ambitious, but Grand Theft Auto VI has filled the “super mega game” quota. Since Pearl Abyss’ promising RPG epic joined the ‘25 party so late, and because one of the biggest stories of any awards show is how a deserving nominee won diddly squat, let's say Crimson Desert does its best Marvel’s Spider-Man impression and enjoys a night of consistent disappointment.

Grand Theft Auto VI - Game Awards: Yes

Let’s be real; we all know GTA VI will be collecting Game Awards trophies like Thanos collecting Infinity Stones. That’s because the hotly anticipated game will not only live up to every sky-high fan expectation – no matter how unrealistic – but also surpass them. Did you see the hair physics on that one lady in the trailer? It will be the “everything” video game.

Expect Geoff to unfurl a six-foot-long scroll to breathlessly recite every category in which Lucia and her male cohort fed its rivals to an alligator. Rockstar president Sam Houser and a fleet of designers will then materialize on stage as holograms broadcasted from Edinburgh, Scotland (we all know Rockstar wouldn’t be caught dead attending this thing in person), to give an emotional speech. Rockstar will also insist it provides its own “Please Wrap It Up” music in the form of a carefully curated licensed song. Let’s just say it's Cardi B’s “WAP” because Rockstar is cool like that. Anyway, here’s a small sample of the awards Rockstar is taking:

Game of the Year - GTA VI

Player’s Choice - GTA VI

Best Game Direction - GTA VI

Best Sports/Racing Game - GTA VI

Best Narrative - GTA VI

Best (Crime) Family Game - GTA VI

Best Score & Music - GTA VI

Best Sim/Strategy - GTA VI

Best Performance - Lawerence "Florida Joker" Sullivan as Leonidas Joker - GTA VI

Best Adaptation (of Florida) - GTA VI

Best Ongoing Game - GTA VI

Best eSport - GTA VI