NSFW: I can’t believe what The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood is doing for Valentine’s Day

2 months ago 68

For Valentines day, celebrate your love of indie games with this massive hog.

Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood phat schlong pixelated so Google isn't upset Image credit: VG247

Are you feeling lonely this Valentine's Day? Put down the pint of ice cream and your Blu-ray copy of Manchester by the Sea, because the developers at Deconstructeam alongside Devolver Digital (who else) are giving you the opportunity to express your love for indie darling The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood with a honkin wang and some tarot cards.

This adult toy, made in collaboration with the silicone artisans at Uberrime dildos, is a custom-made monster cock based around Ábramar, an interstellar behemoth who grants the protagonist - Fortuna - their powers. While the game is loved by its audience, Ábramar's cock is notably never pulled out, which we assume is why Eurogamer only gave it four stars out of five, while it was one of our GOTYs.

There's no exact information on the size of this dildo, except for a handy press image - one we can link to, but obviously not embed - of it placed lovingly next to a standard drink can. Eyeballing it, it looks to be around three-cans in length, so we're gonna go ahead and say it's roughly 12-23 inches tall. Beware, if you do actually want to use this, you must pay the price for doing so.

The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood pay the price This is actually a meaningful moment in the game. But in this context? Hilarious. | Image credit: VG247

Fancy a ride? Lucky members of the public can win themselves this custom toy through a card making contest revealed on the official Destructeam Twitter page. All you've got to do is follow the account, like and repost the post, and create a custom desire themed card in The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood for a chance to win. Taking a look at the Uberrime website, these things tend to sell for upwards of £70, so it's a hefty prize.

Maybe it speaks to the specific time I grew up in and started paying attention to the wilder side of games marketing, but I have a fond place in my heart for PR stunts like this. Many will remember the Saints Row 3 dildo bat, and some of you may even be familiar with Acclaim's old shenigans. Kudos to Deconstructeam and the wild folks at Devolver for spotting the hype around 19-inches of Venom and acting on it.

Video games may have matured but I'd like to think we all still have a sense of humour, and announcing you've made a custom fat c**k on Valentines day is one way to prove it. Be sure to lay out a towel.

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