I’m offended that the only thing Zelda can consume in Echoes of Wisdom is smoothies

Before I soapbox about smoothies and women, I must make one thing clear: The girls are not all right. And by “the girls” I mean myself, and a few of my other friends who don’t identify as men. When I heard that The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom would finally put Zelda in the driver’s seat of her own game, I was obviously ecstatic. I am a woman, and I like to play games as a woman when possible — and this is my first chance to do so for my all-time favorite franchise.

But now that the game is out, I’m all in my head about the representation of Zelda, and a girl protagonist in general, in the game. I have a lot of thoughts that are varying degrees of unhinged. (That’s a general note about me, and how I feel about Echoes, too.) And one thing I can’t shake is the fact that the only way Zelda can consume food in this game is by drinking smoothies.

Smoothies — the icy liquid food that’s been shoved in women’s faces for their entire lives as healthy and devoid of carbs and something you can consume daintily. Don’t get me wrong, I love a smoothie, and obviously folks of any gender can drink smoothies. But liquid diets have long been a choice method the health and fitness industry has used to convince women that they don’t actually need to eat that much. If you’re a mom too busy to make dinner, don’t ask your kid’s other parent for help — just make a smoothie! Don’t wanna look bloated before a big event? Smoothie! Embarrassed to eat in public because you don’t want to be seen consuming calories? SMOOTHIE!

And now, when I’m finally playing as my favorite video game character maybe ever, I must refill her health not with hearty steamed veggies or spicy pepper steak, but with Refreshing Mixed Smoothie. Even worse, Zelda’s smoothies are only made with two ingredients! Where’s the protein? At least give me the option to mix in some Greek yogurt.

Am I thinking too much about gender as it relates to this game? Probably. But to have the first woman protagonist in the franchise only drink smoothies feels very much like a “all the women were out sick that day” sort of decision.

I imagine a group of dudes sitting around a desk, asking each other what women eat. “Smoothies!” they say, and on the other side of the world, I toss and turn in my sleep, knowing some wrong has just been committed. (As a journalist, I have to note that I have absolutely zero proof that men were at the helm of the smoothie decision, nor that that choice had anything to do with Zelda’s gender.)

But as a girl playing as a girl, I really wish the developers let her shovel some tacos down her gullet the way we all do in real life. In fact, let her drip the salsa on her cheek and leave it there all day. Let her go back for seconds. Let her snack between meals. Let her be full!